Yes I'm still alive!!! lol

Hello Everyone long time no see!!  I know I know where have I been, well there is no real good excuse so I won't give one.  Okay maybe I will.... I've been lazy.
Let me see November was a pretty good month over all.   Good news is I finally made it below 250lbs... yes I did!! yeah me!!  I fought and fought to start losing again and last post I had finally broke through that wall and started to lose.  I made it down to 247.5 lbs.  So I had originally decided that when I made it below 250lbs and at least 60lbs lost I would go get my nails done.... guess what, I've been broke so that didn't happen.  I will treat myself to getting my nails done after Christmas if I have a little extra money. 
It was time to start my second 21 day challenge and I totally flopped on that one.  Now that's where the excuses started coming in.  I didn't get this done because I was doing that etc etc...lol   I have learned that one of my biggest issues is when I get out of routine.... I am completely lost at that point.  It shouldn't be as simple as that but it is.  As long as I stick to routine and follow the schedule and plan all is good, but one little kink in the road and I'm a complete mess when it comes to this gym and diet thing.  The hard part is I can't afford to always eat proper so I always seem to have kinks in the road and I have kids, need I say more...lol.
So I finally get below 250lbs and here comes Turkey Day....dinner rolls, sweet potatoes, pie, deviled eggs and so on... awesome food but high calorie.  No exercise unless you count the fork to mouth movement but it doesn't seem to register as even moderate on my armband.  lol  Plenty of behind the wheel driving time and sit on my butt on the couch and visit time and plenty of I need a nap after eating all of that time but I made no time for the gym or any other form of exercise for that matter.  The scary part is that Christmas is knocking on my door and then my Birthday and then News Years Yiks and double Yiks!!
As for this last week I had something happen to me that ripped away at my sole and just about destroyed my desire to lose weight and look good.  I am not sharing this for sympathy or pity or anything like that but to speak up and fight against it.  One week ago today a man that I have known for years who visits now and then showed up at my door.  He knew that I was in a divorce and we sat and visited for a few minutes then he suddenly voiced that he "wanted" me.  I told him no and he wasn't gonna take no for an answer.  To make a long story short I was almost raped.  I did convince him to stop but the emotional damage really threw me for a loop.  I called in sick to work and was physically and emotionally sick the rest of the day.  I laid in bed and barely even functioned.  I couldn't believe it..I kept telling myself that if I was fat and ugly nobody would bother me so what am I doing, so I ate and ate and sat and sat and did virtually nothing all week except go to work.  I couldn't bare going to the gym or doing my hair or makeup.  I didn't want to look good or really even see people for that matter.  I let it get to me when I was already struggling with my routine and I let it eat at me and beat me down.  My week of self pity and giving up is over... I went to the gym today and it was wonderful to be back. 
I need to lose weight not to look better but to feel better.  When I go to the gym I feel energized afterwords.  I smile while I'm there and I'm smiling when I leave.  I get peppy and bouncy and feel full of life, that is what I need.  When I get off my routine I feel guilty for not making it to the gym and then sometimes I struggle to walk back through that door but once I do it's like a breath of fresh air to me.  I guess the moral to the story is that when things happen to throw a kink in the road that we need to find within ourselves the desire to pick ourselves back up and walk back through that door and fight.  I'm fighting for not only for my health but for my kids.  We must me strong and overcome the things in life that threaten to destroy us... I am strong and I am standing and fighting!!
My plan for this week is to stand tall and make it to the gym Monday through Friday even if only for a short time.  Day one has been achieved and looking forward to day two tomorrow.  I love you all... Stand strong!