An Apology

I owe you all an apology.  The last several weeks I have had a lot going on and I allowed life to interrupt my progress once again.  I know that regardless of what happens I should record my up's and downs, my progress and failures,That's how we learn. 
When I came back from School Bus Road-e-o I noticed some changes going on with my body... not good signs.  I was still working out but really struggling to make it through my workouts which didn't make a lot of sense to me.  I was fighting it the best I could.  Well we had a busy week at work then it was time to go out of town for 7 days for Advanced Driver Training. 
While I was in Salina that week my symptoms continued to get worse.  My hair was falling out, extremely tired and weak, changes in my shin, diarrhea, sleep issues and my migraines decided to makes themselves known. I have been hypothyroid for 12 years and most of these symptoms mean it's my thyroid acting up again.  Some days it can be hard to even function when it's all out of whack.  That week was also a very emotional (another symptom) week for me and we headed home on July 2nd and July 3rd was two months after we said goodbye to little Sasha.  I have found that exercise helps with depression and well I sat in class all week and my thyroid apparently acting up wasn't helping with my depression.
So as we were getting ready to head home I got a call from my ex-husband from out of state who told me he would be in town Sat. the 3rd until Tues. the 5th of July.  I was missing my kids and my hubby and thinking a lot about Sasha and now I come home worrying how things would go with the ex visiting in town for a few days.  Most of the time we get along fine but at times things get really stressful.  So now not only am I feeling weak and sick but now I'm also worrying about how things would go with the girls and their dad. On top of that I spent most of my time with my daughters and their father and very little time at home with my hubby and the boys.  It turned out to be a good visit and everything went smooth and we stayed on a nice friendly basis all weekend I'm proud to say.  He was happy to see the girls after two years and they enjoyed seeing him too.
Okay so we made it through 4th of July weekend and it's time to get back to work and I still haven't made it to the gym since like two or three days before going to Salina for training.  Now I'm truly depressed and embarrassed and feel like a failure for avoiding this blog because I'm doing so horrible.  I gained a little weight while I was gone and immediately lost it once I was back home even though I haven't made it to the gym.  Yeah me!  I was finally able to get in to see the Dr. and she was so completely excited and proud of my weight loss... it felt good to hear a compliment.  We ran some blood work and sure enough my thyroid was acting up, but get this, now I was taking too much medication instead of not enough.  Seems like since I started losing weight that my body is waking up and my thyroid is trying to work better.  So this is good news in the long run just the short term yucky symptoms to deal with.  So now I will have to have blood work done again in six weeks to see what it looks like then.
A gal I work with decided to get her own bodymedia armband and has worn it now just a little over a week.  I'm so proud of her for taking the leap I did to get started on this journey. I can't wait to see her progress.  I guess in a way I inspired her to do what I have been doing, so now it's up to me to not let myself down or her.  Although I haven't made it to the gym she and I have been taking stretch breaks every now and then during the day.  We get up and walk three to five laps around our large drivers room and get in a few steps.  We have also been walking to Subway to get our lunch instead of driving.  It's not much but it is better than nothing.  I now have two Becky's with the same armband as me and I have let one down and I am soo sorry for that.  I will try to do better.
I did try twice this week to make it to the gym.... one day I got ready to go and had an unexpected family situation to deal with and the next time I had packed one of my socks and one of my sons... wasn't gonna work...lol.  If I didn't live 8 miles away from work and the gym I would have gone home to get socks.  Hopefully next week things will be better.  I am starting to feel better now that my medication has been adjusted. 
My husbands unemployment ran out and apparently congress hasn't passed some extension bill thing so after 6 months of unemployment and no jobs in sight we now have to sit and wait 4 to 6 weeks without any money in hopes of a 14 week extension.  What I don't get is that there are people who we personally know who have been on unemployment for almost 2 years and my husband has held the same job for 20 years and he only gets 6 months.  What is wrong with this picture?  Because he is 55 yrs old it is harder to find a job, I'm so completely frustrated right now.  So as if we weren't having enough financial issues now we have nothing on his part coming into the house and bills stacking up and three kids to get into college and four to get enrolled for school.  My family is all poor so no rich relatives will be leaving me any inheritance in this lifetime...lol.  We could use a lot of prayers to make it through this, I don't know what we are going to do but I know things will get better sooner or later just hoping for sooner.
So here is how things look right now.  I plan to start blogging again and I will make every effort to get back to the gym and back into my routine.  I miss it... I miss the gym and the feeling I get when I'm done.  It feels good to accomplish something that I can see results from.  I need the gym and me time to deal mentally and physically with all the craziness going on in my life right now.  Thanks for being here for me and if nothing else just listening to me vent and ramble on.  I will end for the day but I promise to write again.  Have a great evening!